Friday, August 21, 2009

My how things change...

Wow. I didn't realize I hadn't blogged since January. Like, 7 months ago. My baby was 2 months old. A lot has happened since then. The boys finished up their 1st and kindergarten years at public school. They're not going back this year. We're homeschooling. More on that later. Baby has gone from being a tiny, helpless babe to crawling, cruising furniture, eating finger food, and babbling, even saying some things: "hey you", "mama", "dada", "I love you", "bless you (well, "ah-bah", after he sneezes)", and today I'm pretty sure he said "I love you brother". It goes WAY too fast. I am enjoying him so unbelievably much. I suffered from depression for years, including after both of my first 2 boys. It wasn't post-partum, necessarily, just the depression that was already there, amplified by sleep-deprivation and the stress from having 2 kids 16 months apart. All that to say, I wasn't able to enjoy them infancies as much as I wish I had. But this time, I am eating up every last crumb and loving it.


Oh my, am I ever questioning my judgment this week! I brought the kids home for school this year. Why? I think they can have a much broader education at home. They don't have to wait for all the other kids to finish. They can move on if they've already mastered something. They have time to study extra things that interest them. They have time to play and discover nature since they won't be exhausted coming home from 8 hours of school (and very little play and rest time). Because they are young, and impressionable, and no matter what anyone says, I don't believe that 8 hours a day with a bunch of other young, impressionable kids, many of whom have parents who are NOT careful about their daily influences, is TRUE socialization. And, most of the time, I enjoy being with them.

It's that small amount of time that I don't that is getting me. It's when I ask them to sit down so we can read from one our stories for the week, and they act like I'm asking them to scrub the kitchen floor on their hands and knees. Or their copywork (write a 7-word phrase 5 times...not a lot!) takes half an hour because of enter lame excuse here . It's having to go to the store with all 3 munchkins--something I have mostly avoided up until now. And the 2 olders just want to run around like Lowe's is the playground!!

Breathe. Breathe. I can do this. I know this is the best thing for my kids. And really, and truly, the best thing for me too. It's just that John has been a restaurant manager for the past 7 years, and his fluctuating schedule actually worked for me. He was home a lot of mornings, or he would finish an opening shift and be home by 4 o'clock. Now he's in police academy and is 8-5 (well, 7-5 since he likes to get there early) Monday thru Friday. I honestly don't know how to handle it. This is a growing experience for all of us. And this growing is going to be painful. But I don't want them to go back to public school. And they don't want to go back. And John is happy, so happy to be pursuing a law enforcement career. So, this is the way it is now. And I have faith it will get better. Not always easy. But better.


  1. Hey there! I just added you to my feeds list so I can keep up. The homeschooling thing will be great once you get your groove on. I can add another thing - we should be raising our children with a God centered view of everything and in public school they will be getting a different view in every possible way.

    And I know that getting out the restaurant business was one of the happiest days of my life. Go John!

  2. Wow, I didn't know John was pursuing a law enforcement career! I love's a great way to catch up and be caught up with! :) Looking forward to following all your homeschooling adventures.

  3. Hey girl,

    Been there with the depression as well as anxiety. It is definitely something that has weighed heavy on my mind and heart as I've gotten closer to having a family. I may be coming to you for advice in the future.